返璞歸真

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. No feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called 'being in love' usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending "They lived happily ever after" is taken to mean "They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married', then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love.

Love in this second sense - love as distinct from 'being in love' - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God.

They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on 'being in love' for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change - not realising that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one.

In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last ......

Let the thrill go - let it die away - go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow - and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time.

「戀愛」是件好事，但卻不是最好的事。有許多事不及它好，但也有許多事情遠勝於它。妳不能把它當作一生的倚靠。它是一種高貴的感覺；然而，它仍然只是一種感覺而已……誰能忍受天天活在狂喜中達五年之久？……不再「沉浸愛河」並不就等於停止愛。愛的第二層意義--與「沉浸愛河」有所差別的愛……不僅僅是一種感覺，它是一種深邃的結合，需要靠意志加以維持，靠習慣加以鞏固，……可取之於神的愛，使之強化。

真正相愛的人能給予對方這樣的愛，即使他們不喜歡對方時亦然，正如你仍然愛你自己，即使你並不喜歡自己一樣﹔甚至當雙方都可能各自與他人「發生情感」時--如果他們允許自己這樣做，他們仍能保持這樣的愛。起先，促使他們立下山盟海誓的，是墜入愛河的感情，但是賜給他們能力以信守盟誓的，卻是這種較為寧靜的愛。

人們從書本裡接收了一種觀念，以為如果嫁對了會娶對了人，就一輩子可以如願以償地「永浴愛河」了。結果呢？當發現事與願違，便認為這證明自己選擇錯誤，理當換個對象重新來過--怎知改弦更張之後，與新歡的濃情密意轉眼間也消失了，褪色之速如同舊愛。

人生啊！在愛情這一範疇，就像在所有其他範疇一樣，令人心醉的感覺總是開始時沛然莫之能禦，接下來味道就淡了……

讓戀愛的感覺過去，讓它漸次消逝，然後捱過那段死寂的時期，進入隨之而來的更為恬靜的快樂與幸福中﹔這時，妳將發現，自己正每時每刻地生活在一個充滿新的戀愛感覺的世界中。

摘自 C.S.Lewis <<返璞歸真>> Mere Christianity